One of my favourite opening lines of a book, The Adventures of Griswald Gnome: A Fairy Tale for Children of all Ages, is – “A reformed deformer, searcher of research, a regrind grinder, one who once faltered, but reflated and did rejoin as a joiner. If I might presume, I’m going to lecture you. This statement is my testament; my supreme objective is to preserve the perverse.”
And I am all of them. This piece is a lecture, which is perverse. This is the story of how I faltered and reflected in my life. This is how I researched, and yes, I am reformed from the person who was in depression and finally got rejoined with my son and (current) better half. 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) was the best thing that happened in my life ever since I married for the first time. And it was nearly three years apart. As a re-iterate, this piece is a perverse lecture on the benefits of being hit by 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023). I don’t say that the law is not draconian. But, I have a habit of finding positives in the most negative situations. This attitude has served me well in life.
Imagine you feel frightened to get back home. Imagine the worst mood swings your partner would be having. Having spent her day watching useless television, she would be ready to pick up a fight on this thing or that thing. Imagine that after the back-breaking day, she would keep you awake till the wee hours of the morning to discuss the topic, which we had a discussion on 100 times in the past. 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) was a break from all that.
Benefit 1: It ended
I had once filed for divorce before I was hit by 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023). But, for the sake of my child and under the pressure of family and society, I compromised and brought my lovely 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) wife back. Some people, however, don’t change. Soon, the same grind resumed, affecting my moods, health, work, and peace. When she filed a complaint in Women’s Cell, I sighed in relief. I knew instinctively this would be the end. Yes, 498A is hell. But as Winston Churchill said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” I refused to bring back my wife despite pressure from DSP and much to the chagrin of my immediate family as I was facing a certain imprisonment. Trust me, time in jail was much better than time with my 498A wife. I slept up to 20 hours daily, making up for the lost sleep. More often than not, 498A means divorce is inevitable, whether in 6 months or six years, but it is a given thing.
Benefit 2: I started smiling again
I remember the phone call I gave to my MD after I got released from imprisonment. He asked me in his style, “Hey Young Man! How are you?” I replied, “Terrific”. His response was golden, “It’s good to hear terrific from you after so long.” Yes, that was real me. I was always smiling, laughing, happy, and cracking jokes. I had lost the real me in the marriage. 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) brought back the real me. Not only did I start smiling again, but I also smiled more broadly and laughed more loudly ever since and through the trial. When would you smile if you saw the same unhappy, fighting and brooding person the first and last thing in the day? And what happens at home is reflected in every walk of your life.
Benefit 3: My health improved
There was a time in my marriage when my acidity levels were very high. My blood pressure levels went too high. I was gaining weight and often had heartburn. Some people even suspected that my 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) wife was feeding me some nefarious substances. In any case, I think her mere existence in my life was nefarious. With her gone, my health started improving. I lost weight, my blood pressure has never increased since, and I have no heartburn or acidity problems.
Benefit 4: I started meeting people I loved
I am a people’s person. I love people. I love talking to people. I love mingling with people. Be it my teachers of yore, my uncles and aunts, my childhood bums, my cousins, my colleagues from wherever or the person I met at the last weekly meeting. I love people because interaction is my lifeline. I learn from them. I work with them. I chisel my ideas with them. I play pranks and have fun with them. A lousy marriage puts a stop to all of that. A pestering and ever-doubting spouse can be a pain in the neck. When the spouse was a loner, she wanted me to take care of her.
I have had enough of this isolation—and four years of my cases. Not even a single day, I did not have at least two invites to spend the evening with. It is a different matter that I could not accept all those invites, and they kept piling and repeating. But yes, I started meeting people again. Unlike I hear from most people, only two of my so many known friends and acquaintances ever avoided me after I was hit by 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023). And for them also, I say – Good Riddance. And did I love it? But that’s the next point.
Benefit 5: You may find Love
If I were to write a book, it would be titled “Love in the time of 498A” (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023). No doubt, if the writer would tolerate my perforation of the title of his celebrated work, he would also tolerate my twisting his famous quote to “There is no greater glory than to wait for love.” Right after I was hit by 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023), I met a woman who complements me and completes me. She waited for over four years for her conviction and faith in me. She also supported her decision when most of her family was against it. Finding such a person, even after the ordeal of jail visits and long trials, is worth it.
Benefit 6: My passions found an outlet
I fondly read. To the extent that initially, my 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) wife used to call books as her “Soutan”. Soon, she started treating books like the real “Soutan”. Reading a book was a cue to begin a fight or invent one. With Mrs. 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) gone, my allegiance with books deepened. This time, there was a purpose, too. I got hooked on law books, amongst others. This website is just a fraction of what I learned from my renewed mistress – books.
Benefit 7: I found a Mission
There comes a time in your life when everything you have learned and done culminates into a defining decision. For me, my wife’s filing of false 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) was just that. I made it into a mission that would not only bring back my son and get my family members out of this whole mess (both of which I did) but also help others who get caught in the claws of this draconian law. After I defended and won my 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharariya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) and got my son back, I put all my energies into fighting 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharariya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) and its allied laws. In the last five years, I started an NGO- Sahodar, through which I meet victims of Gender-Biased laws every week; I created this website through which the awareness reaches beyond boundaries and time zones, started “Sahodar Support Whatsapp Groups” for the current victims seeking support and legal advice, which incidentally have grown to world’s largest men’s rights support group having more than 2800 members as on date.
Some of you may call me lucky, but luck is the residue of preparation. I was a layman with little understanding of law like most everyday people. But I persevered to prepare myself to fight this battle. I am sure that going through 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) is a life-changing experience for most of us, to make that a positive change is entirely dependent on the person who goes through it.
30 Comments
The article is extremely well written, Sir. I’m also fond of reading and could connect with that part and everything else you mentioned here.
Please continue to work for Men’s Rights and please continue to keep writing.
Thank you for the appreciation.
Shonee sir,
Please write more details like a diary. Please let us know what happened from day 1 and how did you deal with the police part, warrant, arrest etc.
Please also suggest how to fight cases when a man is living hand to mouth due to his savings stolen by evil wife and belongs to a different state.
Thanks for all your help you offer.
Points taken, will come up with something soon.
Fantastic win over false dowry case.
Congratulations!!
Nice article. Finding good things in all the time is the most positive sign of leaving a life.
I remember when I queried for 65B and you replied back at your quickest.
This article is a blessing for all like us. You are really motivating lot of audience then you can ever think off.
Hit hard on social media. It may not be in years or decades or even in our life but one day we will win in our goals and you are setting a milestone by moving every single day.
It can be quicker, if you also join hands in propagating.
I’m also going through crisis due to false 498a, accompanied by false 377 to add insult to injury.
After reading this I again look at word crisis, it means turning point to better or worse I have to decide. I will definitely be better same old person than being self pitied imposter which is definitely not me. Thanks buddy.
This article is definitely blessing in disguise.
A real example of positive thinking in awkwardly adverse circumstances.
Very good article and inspiring.
Thanks for appreciating
Incredible Positivity the way we direct our energies in difficult phases of life makes us rock solid, gives strength and PURPOSE of life… Truely an inspiring and motivating Story. Your Acts, Powerful thoughts, directional support are Saviours for many Shonee Sir.. Thanks
Thanks for the compliments buddy
Fabulous read… it inspires me even as I go through the tough times of 498A. I appreciate your spirit and admire your intention to help others overcome such hardship. Thank You for reviving the hope of light at the end of the dark tunnel, in the dispirited souls.
Your story revealing the truth of winning your real life back even after going through undefined painful time. I can straight forward link this as screen play of real 498A story because I have had passed to same situation and your last statement is true that counting benefits depends upon your personality how you treat your matter and can gain in pain. I have dealt with so many police officers of different ranks and judges of courts in my family matter that actually helped me to step up a brave kind of feeling in the personality of mine. My matter is still going on and I am relax and spending peaceful time.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful article. Joyful time reading it.
Satyam Khanna
Excellent article Shonee Sir! Very inspiring!
Your whole story of life and fighting and winning through battles against the draconian 498A has not only rescued you from its jaws but it has been an inspiration to many others who have been fighting their own different battles. As the saying:
मैं अकेला ही चला था जानिबे मंज़िल मगर
लोग मिलते गए और कारवाँ बढ़ता गया…!!!
Thanks a lot for writing this beautiful article…and keep inspring others…Shonee Sir…👍👍
Thanks for appreciating
Para 3 of the article is the situation that most men hit by 498a would have faced. In fact my son who faced 498a told us the same lines. The problem with the legal system is it drags on for years and if Mrs. 498a has no other ambitions, goals it may extend to any number of years. If the magistrates and judges at all levels can take perjury and contempt of court seriously and use the provisions of crpc for false evidence, non-appearance of witnesses etc. there would be a drastic change. Also, the fine being imposed Rs. 100/- for non-appearance should be made hefty as to discourage absentism.
Great Message. Hope for others. Regards Pushkar
Nice article sir..
Nice Article, really motivating!
This is the best article from you by far. Thanks for sharing.
Very well said!!!
Regards
Deepak
Very inspiring blog sir….
It’s difficult for male to believe and 498A is the best way to get the understanding that the beginning of end is here..
All the pointer are true
I am a member of this NGO found sonee sirs artical and other posting very valuable and also read all the posting and follow him on twitter too
Thanks Sir you are a true warrior and we follow you
It’s quite an inspiration … not just to keep up a fight against our own issues but to keep helping others as well … !!